How To Let Go Of Old Ways in Midlife

It seemed so benign. A text message request from my daughter to help with childcare over the coming year and a half. My immediate reaction was, “sure, let me think about it.” It was a programmed response. One that comes from old ways of being. Feeling obligated or responsible for those I love. But when I got quiet, I could feel an underlying discomfort. I always know the truth by the way it feels. The body is an incredible compass for life, if you’re willing to let it be. To trust what you feel and know.

As I was talking to my partner about the request, he said that when anyone asks him for something like this, he has to ask himself why he would do it. What would it mean for him. I realized, in that moment, that I hadn’t for a second considered what this would mean for me and in that very moment I realized what that underlying discomfort was. I had to say no. It was time to release these old ways of being. Of people pleasing and accommodating others at my own expense.

I love my daughter and granddaughters, and love spending time with them. At the same time, my attention and focus are on my own life, flourishing in new ways, growing my business, serving my clients, and this takes a great deal of time and energy. I’m willing to part with old ways of being for new ways of living.

So, how do you know when it’s time and how do you release old ways of being so you can create an extraordinary midlife?

Awareness first. Become so aware of your feelings, allow them in, let them inform you. Don’t dismiss the uncomfortable ones – there is wisdom there too. This is what your body is intended to do…guide you.

Get curious. All your feelings come from your thoughts. When you allow your feelings, you can begin to get clear about what you’re thinking. In this situation, I felt something uncomfortable and I was ready to dismiss it had it not been for the insight from my partner (the Universe truly has my back and yours). When I got quiet with my discomfort I was able to hear the answer that was true for me. No.

Be willing to disappoint others. This can be challenging. My daughter wasn’t happy with my decision and I’m OK with that. My decision has nothing to do with her, and her reaction has nothing to do with me. I have come to believe that being in integrity with myself isn’t just serving me, it serves everyone around me, including my daughter and her daughters. I know this is serving the highest good for me and everyone else.

Be as gentle with yourself as a new born baby. This is so important. While this situation seems rather benign, it isn’t. I spent 2 days in a bit of a fog after I said no. I wasn’t ruminating on my answer, but letting go of old ways of being means stepping into a new version of myself. This creates a vacuum, a liminal period between who I was being and who I am now without this habit of saying yes. What it is like to be someone so committed to her dreams, she is willing to disappoint those she loves? Allow yourself to feel what you feel, to care for yourself deeply…rest, drink lots of water, journal, meditate, walk the beach…do what feels loving and compassionate for you.

Keep love front and center when letting go of old ways of being, old habits. Most of them have been with us for a lifetime and just becoming aware of them is a big freaking deal. Saying yes to you is a powerful act of self-love.

What old ways of being are you holding onto? What are you willing to release?

Let me support your midlife transformation. Join me to Flourish…starting May 26th.

From my heart to yours,

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