When I was a kid moaning or complaining about some scrape or bruise I got playing outside, my mom would tell me to stop thinking about it or to think about something else. So, I would will myself to do just that which usually made me think about it more. She wasn’t entirely wrong, but shifting your mindset towards what you want isn’t a thing of will. It’s a skill that involves awareness, curiosity, compassion, and choice.

Managing your mind is a thing of skill not will

Menopause is a fact of midlife for women and each of us have our own intimate experience of it. Some interesting things about menopause. In some cultures (Women in Balance Institute) India for example, women have little or no symptoms of menopause except for changes in their monthly cycle. I find it interesting too that we use the word ‘symptom’ to speak to natural occurrences of life.

In a study done by Dr. Mary Jane Minkin, a professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive health at Yale Medical School found that, “In societies where age is more revered and the older women is the wiser better women, menopausal symptoms are significantly less bothersome.” Minkin shared in this 2015 Reuter’s article. “Where older is not better, many women equate menopause with old age and symptoms can be much more devastating.”

In western cultures, where older is not better, doctors frequently prescribe drugs treating menopause – and aging in general – as a disease rather than a natural part of a woman’s life. To be clear, I’m grateful for modern medicine and for a short in menopause I took a low dose hormone therapy for night sweats, but drugs are, for me, always the last resort (no judgment if you feel differently – you do you 🙂

Don’t let your mind bully your body

Most of us never really think about what we think. At least not in ways that benefit us. Emotional suffering comes from wanting life to be other than it is. Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is refers to this as “arguing with reality”. She says, “The only difference between heaven and hell is believing a thought.”

As I was in menopause, I was also studying mindfulness. So, I began meditating more regularly, a practice I maintain today. I found that quieting my mind helped me to think differently about the experiences I was having. To become more aware of my thoughts, get curious about them, and recognize how I was contributing to my own suffering.

I started honoring my body and my experience

It didn’t make the ‘symptoms’ go away…I just stopped resisting them and started honoring my body and my experience. I soon ditched the hormone therapy for more natural ways of navigating menopause. I stopped trying to not think about what was happening (mom’s method). Instead, I stopped arguing with reality and relaxed into my life experience with grace and gratitude. Something Dr. Martha Beck (Author and life coach to Oprah) refers to as victory by surrender.

“When a thought hurts, it’s a signal that it isn’t true.”

Byron Katie

To truly embrace the magic of midlife means challenging stereotypical perceptions of women in midlife. Changing those perceptions begins with you and me, and how we think of ourselves in the marvelous middle of life. You are your own authority. You get to decide who you want to be and what you want your midlife experience to be, and that includes how you navigate menopause.

In no way am I suggesting that you take the actions I did in menopause. This isn’t a one size fits all situation. My invitation to you is to recognize that there are many ways to think about menopause and midlife beyond what culture demonstrates. You get to choose for yourself. You don’t have to buy into the hype.

• Become aware of what you believe and think about menopause – you can do this by writing down all your thoughts about it
• Be curious about what those thoughts are creating in your life – sort the facts from your thoughts
• Do this with compassion and kindness for yourself – don’t beat yourself up for any of this, be in gratitude for the awareness
• From here, choose – you get to decide what you want to think, believe, and experience as you move forward in the marvelous middle of life.

Thriving in menopause, really at any point in life, begins with examining our thoughts. This is a skill you can cultivate. You get to choose.

XO

ps: be kind to yourself and everyone else…there’s no one right way to do this.