Love Letter #63: Minding My Business

There is nothing I enjoy more than minding my own business, finding new ways to grow, and making moves in silence. You say antisocial. I say, at peace.

~Morgan Richard Oliver

This poem is from the book Blooming Bare by Morgan Richard Oliver. 

A short poem with a big message.

How often do we get caught up in how other people are living their lives instead of focusing on our own? How often are we pushing against something we dislike rather than focusing our attention on creating what we envision?

That’s life, you say. Maybe…but I have a different view. 

I was talking with a friend the other day who is happily single and lives alone. She was telling me about all the people in her life who think she must be lonely and want her to get out more. Alone is not necessarily lonely and my friend loves her life. All of it.

After divorcing, I lived alone for nearly ten years. In the early days, I felt alone and sometimes lonely. I’d been a couple for more than three decades, so there was some shifting and changing to do. 

But soon after, I found this to be a pathway to deep personal and spiritual growth.

I was lonelier in my marriage than I have ever felt on my own. 

What I learned was the loneliness I felt was related to me not loving myself enough. I had to let go of expectations that other people would give me love, appreciate me, and support me. 

In those years alone, I embraced and embodied the truth that love, support, appreciation, joy, and peace are all within me. They always have and always will be. It was up to me to give them to myself. 

I’m not suggesting we all become hermits.

We are social beings. We want and need to belong. But that belonging must begin with ourselves, otherwise we are placing the responsibility for our happiness on the shoulder of others.

Putting your happiness in the hands of another is too much to ask of anyone, and the only person who knows what happiness looks and feels like to you, is you. 

When we are truly minding our business – our life – we are free to be who we are here to be and that frees everyone else to do the same. 

When we think we know what’s best for someone else, we’re usually projecting our own unmet needs so, if that’s you, you might want to look in the mirror. 

The time I spend alone minding my business awakens me to the truth that what I desire comes from within me. 

When I fill my own self to overflowing with joy, happiness, love…or whatever it is I desire or need…then I can lovingly and graciously share that overflow with you. 

If that makes me seem antisocial to anyone else, so be it. I choose peace. 

With love,

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