Love Letter #41: Want More Time? Here’s how…

Today’s love letter focuses on a common concern I hear from many of my clients and women in general; feeling overwhelmed by their obligations leaving little time for their own self-care and personal pursuits.

We’re so well trained in taking a back seat when it comes to our own needs and dreams.

Whether it’s due to family commitments, work responsibilities, or other obligations, there’s often a deep sense of responsibility for everyone and everything else.

Can you relate to this? I sure can.

Often, women are reluctant to prioritize themselves out of fear – fear of letting others down, fear of disapproval, fear of what others will think, fear of rejection (this is a big one), or even fear of being resented by others.

They wish they had more time, more space, more of something they feel they’re lacking. But in the next breath they share all the reasons or excuses as to why they can’t have what they want.

Make no mistake – while these reasons seem very logical and true, they are excuses.

Now, it’s completely natural to want to do things for people we care about and take pride in our work, but so often we’re doing these things at the expense of our own wellbeing.

So, what I invite you to consider today is that the opinions, reactions, and responses of others to your choices are not a reflection of your worth. Never. Ever.

In fact, you cannot disappoint another human and no one can disappoint you. Others can feel disappointed by your choice, but that disappointment stems from them expecting you to fill a need they have. You are not obligated to do so.

Are you following me here?

When someone reacts negatively to a decision you make, it simply means that your response is not aligned with their expectation. Period. No one is right or wrong, good or bad.

Conversely, when someone else’s behavior disappoints me, that disappointment arises from my own unmet needs that I am expecting them to fulfill. They are not obligated either.

Still with me?

Your worth isn’t tied to how much you do for others and how little you do for yourself.

When we get curious about our own reactions to others instead of just being stuck in the external circumstances, we can begin to see and address those unmet needs. We let everyone else off the hook.

I was thinking about women I work with who struggle to carve out time for themselves because of a demanding job.

She wants more time for herself, but she’s waiting for something external to change – to get more time, or a better schedule. She holds power over her own time, but she is choosing to give that power away to something or someone else. She is choosing to devote herself entirely to a job and neglect her welling. Choosing.

True autonomy and sovereignty over her life, her time, her attention, and her energy are within her power, but can only be realized when she asserts it by saying no to excessive demands and prioritizing her needs over others’ expectations – even if it means disappointing others in the process.

In essence, reclaiming ownership of our time and prioritizing self-care means addressing the perfectionist tendencies that so often drive us. It means a willingness to recognize that our worth is not contingent upon meeting unrealistic standards – others or our own – or constantly striving for perfection in every aspect of our lives.

Are you finding yourself overwhelmed in a time-crunched way of life?

I invite you to take steps to honor your own needs and free yourself form the shackles of perfectionism and empower yourself to lead a more fulfilling life.

It’s time to give yourself permission to make self-care a non-negotiable priority, and let go of the need to constantly strive for unattainable perfection.

With love,

Let’s work together so you can take charge of your life!

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