I was talking with someone recently who seemed eager to share their story about things that happened ‘to them’ in their life. It was an interesting situation and as I listened I found myself getting a bit irritated with the story. It seemed to go on and on. Still, I listened, observing what was playing out within me and thinking, “how am I that?”.

Life is a mirror.

We’ve all been the storyteller at one time or another. Ready and willing to recite a litany of charges against others we feel have wronged us, never pausing to question our own part in the play. In the land of Martha Beck coaches, this is called ‘story fondling’. We get something out of it. Perhaps a bit of vindication or the momentary satisfaction of feeling heard. We all want that. The thing is, story fondling keeps us stuck in a rut.

We co-create everything we experience in our lives. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Each experience is here to serve us. All for the growth and expansion of our soul, for the very expression of life itself. This includes the so called good experiences and those we label as bad or difficult or worse.  Life is a mirror. We are always looking into the mirror of life. It’s all a reflection of our internal landscape – our beliefs and patterns, many of which are unconscious. The more we tell the old ‘victim’ story, the more we deepen the rut.

Imagine your life is a beautifully manicured lawn.

One day, you decide to park your car on the lawn, just once. Then you do it again and again, thinking just once more, it won’t hurt anything. It’s easy and convenient. Eventually the grass disappears revealing the dirt. You keep parking there and the dirt gets packed down hard. It rains, and you park there again, and now there are deep ruts. If you want grass to grow there now, you’ve got to soften the soil, fill in the ruts with new soil, plant grass, and keep it watered. Most of all you have to stop parking there!

Your thinking is no different.

Those old stories and patterns create the ruts of our lives each time we park ourselves there. So, how do we consciously begin to recognize the patterns that create our ruts? How do we begin filling in the ruts with new ideas, new thoughts, and create new patterns?

A good place to start is with anyone or anything that irritates or upsets us. This is a beautiful opportunity to see the mirror reflection of something we wish to heal or change as we live a kickass life. 

When presented with an irritation, begin asking yourself, “how am I that?” “Where is that showing up in my life?” Ask without judgement, ridicule, or shame. Use simple, curious inquiry. Ask questions that help you see where you are creating this very experience to reflect something in you that you wish to change.  

Replace judgement with curiosity.

Some questions you might consider in doing so.

• What good is here that I presently can’t see? This question helps bring me back to the reflection. Can I expand my awareness beyond what is happening in this present moment and take a higher view? What do I see reflecting back to me? What is it asking of me?
• What’s the highest choice I can make right now? Life is creating itself through me. What do I want to create? I can create from fear or from love, which am I choosing? If fear, what am I truly afraid of?
• How would love respond? My favorite question. As I listened to this person, I asked myself what would love do right now? Drop the judgement? Find compassion for this person’s experience knowing I’ve been there too? We are all in this together.

Practice, practice, practice!

Everything we experience in life is here to serve us, to help us grow and expand in consciousness, in our capacity to love, our ability to find compassion and harmony with life itself. Filling in the ruts takes commitment and practice. A practice in thinking as the person each of us wishes to be.

While lots of judgements passed through my mind listening to this story, what I know is that I cannot possibly know anything of this person’s journey. Life is a mirror, a reflection of my beliefs. What and how I receive their words is viewed from my own experiences, biases, and beliefs. It is a reflection of where I am in my life today. 

Think as the person you wish to be

As I drove home, I had to ask myself. “How am I that?” Where am I allowing anything from my past, any old story, idea or belief, to limit my ability to be or express as the best version of me right now? Where am I story fondling? What would love do?

Life is a mirror. Everything in my life is a reflection of me. The same is true for you. Know then, that to change what’s going on around you, you must change what’s going on within you. “How am I that?”

From my heart to yours,

Get out of you rut!! There’s still time and space available to get away, clear your mind, and Experience the Pleasure of Provence!

Photo by Sabine Ojeil on Unsplash

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