I used to walk a tightrope of control. I believed I knew best how others in my life should live theirs. Ha! If you can relate to this, I hope you’re laughing. Actually we control nothing but what we choose to think and our own response to the world around us. We either choose from a place of love or fear.

There was a time I walked a tightrope of authority, because, deep down, I didn’t believe I had any. I didn’t trust life or myself, and so I believed that I had to manipulate it to be what I expected it to be. I could ‘make it happen’ the way I thought best and then I’d be happy with myself, with life, with others.

Up until now, I used to walk a tightrope of responsibility. The good girl, taking care of others, meeting what I assumed as their needs because I’d been told that mine didn’t matter. That somehow, in sacrificing my wants and needs for the comfort of others, there’d be some later reward. What I received instead was anger and resentment…mostly towards myself.

I once walked a tightrope of fear. I wanted desperately to belong, to fit it. So, I went along, kept my thoughts to myself, and allowed myself to merge with the ideals of society rather than trusting the voice of my soul.

Every choice you make is either an expression of love or an expression of fear. There is no other choice. ~A Course in Miracles

I’ve been in the process of healing, of stepping off the tightrope, for some time now. At one time, to watch a real high wire act would create such tension in my body I had to look away. I realize now this was my own fear of losing my inner balance; balancing my feelings and thoughts. Keeping my needs and wants in check so I didn’t rock the boat of life and those around me.

One day, in the ebb and flow of life, I began to lose my balance. To let go. Little by little. I can’t say exactly the moment it started. Yet, I sensed a deep desire within myself to be at peace. Wanting to be free to stand in my own power and authority. At last, figuring out that what feels right in my heart and soul is truly right for me. I wanted to live life from grace rather than through gritted teeth. Deep down I knew living my life my way, on purpose, is why I am here. I know the same is true for you.

I used to walk a tightrope…now I’ve stepped into the richness of life

There was a time when someone else’s anger or disappointment could pull me into fixing mode. I’d allow what others thought to twist me into a mess of anxiety. Always feeling I wasn’t enough. That I was wrong and had to make it right. When I used to walk a tightrope, it was exhausting, because in truth I was trying to please everyone but me. I know now that each of us is here on purpose, everything is in divine right order, and there is nothing to fix. Oh, dear heart, how freeing is this?

While my tightrope walk of control once seemed like a problem, I’ve come to see it as one of life’s greatest gifts. It was my call for love. My call to love myself. To care for myself, to use my voice, to be the love I know is my very existence. It’s yours too. You and I are a Divine Idea in the Mind of Spirit. Perfect, whole, and completely in harmony with the delicious unfoldment of life in this moment and the next. I invite you to sit with this idea for a moment. It’s powerful.

When we step off the tightrope, we open our hearts to our own divinity.

In opening our hearts to our divinity, we see the divinity in everyone. You are a miracle. I am a miracle and everyone that comes into my life is a gift. We give away our power because it is, as Marianne Williamson so aptly said, “Our light not our darkness that frightens us most.” It’s more acceptable to believe in what everyone else believes than risk being seen for the powerful, loving beings we truly are. I know now it is far more loving to believe in my authority and stand in my truth. And, as the quote goes on, “As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.”

A few years ago, in this practice of unraveling the entanglements of codependency in my life, I wrote a poem called To Say. It speaks to finding one’s voice in a noisy world. I’ve never published it before, and want to share it with you now.

Life off the tightrope is a continual practice and one that I’ve come to embrace as the purpose of life – to discover our own divinity and live life as only you and I can. Life on purpose.

I would love to hear your stories, where you’ve given away your power and where you feel called to the light of your truth. I’m here to support you in stepping off your tightrope and living into the fullness of who you are here to be.

From my heart to yours,

Post Cover Photo by Steven Ford on Unsplash

To Say, Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash