Love Letter #93: Unmasking Anger

Today’s love letter is an update to an email I wrote in 2023 called “Exploring Anger: A Personal Journey”.  That email got a bit of attention from women who’ve had similar experiences facing anger. I’ve touched on anger in recent days and I was prompted to share this again in this year of love letters. It’s an important topic and I’d love for you to join the conversation 

“I had an experience with anger that made me realize how much it still terrifies me. Even after years of inner work, understanding, and processing my anger, I noticed that I still shut down, withdraw, and close off when someone close to me expresses their anger. This is a familiar experience, but something significant shifted this time.

For the first time, I could see myself in the experience. I was witness to my reaction in a way I’d not been before. I could see how terrifying anger feels to me and what happens in my body when I’m exposed to it, rather than being swept up in it.  Although I have yet to touch that part of me that is deeply afraid, recognizing this is a giant leap forward.

In the past I would choke off any anger of my own, my throat would tighten, and my pulse would quicken. Thoughts would race through my head so quickly that I couldn’t capture any of them. I would go silent, tongue-tied, and ready to run away. Then, I admonish myself for not being ‘in control’ or not being able to find the right words.

This recent experience was different because I was able to have a conversation about it after the fact, safely, with someone I trusted. This was one of the most healing moments I’ve had recently. It allowed me to let go of the experience and witness what was happening rather than avoid it.

I’m sharing this experience in hopes that it may help others. We are all here to evolve and grow, and much of that growth happens one layer at a time, over time. So, if you’re feeling like you’re not where you want to be, or you’re beating yourself up for anything at all, stop for a moment and witness who you are being in this moment. Let yourself be a compassionate witness to your suffering. It’s the only way through it.

When I closed my eyes and witnessed myself in that moment of anger, I saw a young girl who believed that someone else’s anger was her fault and wanted desperately to be understood. Instead, her ideas and opinions were met with anger and shame, without any outlet for her anger.

There’s always more to explore and learn, but for now, I am being with this new awareness and allowing it to integrate into who I am with a shit-ton of compassion for that young girl and the woman she is and is becoming now.”

I share this with you in this love letter, as a reminder.

  • A reminder of the importance of self-awareness.
  • That everything happens for you and me.
  • That we are here for the experience of this life and, every experience, no matter how challenging is an opportunity to lean into expansion and growth.
  • And, our emotions are messengers, here to help us navigate life. 

This challenging experience was transformational. 

Listening to my anger, and its message,  allowed me to step into a new level of self-confidence, to trust myself more to speak my truth without being afraid that it may anger others. It was an opening to let myself feel my anger, observe my reactions, and then decide how to navigate the situation with love and compassion for myself and everyone else. 

With love,

Emotions (feelings) are the GPS for your life. Learn how to manage them to create more of what you desire in life – The Art of Self-Approval.

Scroll to Top