Love Letter #85: One Thing You Can Count On

I believe that life is fifty-fifty. It doesn’t always feel good and it isn’t supposed to, and sometimes it truly sucks. 

I’ve had a few of those days lately. I know this too will pass. And, I have come to understand that when I am in the “suck” – feeling stuck, lost, or directionless – it always means I am sorting, sifting, and something is shifting. There is nothing wrong here. Something is changing…and that something is me.  

I also know it’s easier to move through change when I allow myself to feel what doesn’t feel great. It’s a bit like the caterpillar. She needs to melt down to goop before she gets her wings. 

Change is the one thing you can count on in life. Life is change. Everything is always changing including you and me, and we are here for the experience of it. Sometimes change is subtle and other times it can feel like we’re melting down. I’m not melting down, but I am out of sorts…adrift a bit. 

This got me thinking about the change cycle as I know it. This is from my work with Martha Beck, and it has helped me to better understand myself as I navigate change.  

Here’s what that change cycle looks like:

Square 1: Death and rebirth. This is not a literal death. You are no longer who you were being. An old identity has died off. This might happen if you lose a job and it can also happen when you find a new one. Change isn’t limited to the so-called “negative” things that happen in our lives. Each time you become someone new, different. Your previous identity is gone and a new one is emerging.

The best thing to do in this phase…cocoon! Take radical care of yourself, and treat yourself like a tender newborn…even if that means wrapping yourself in blankets and taking a nap.

Square 2: Dreaming and scheming. In this phase, you begin to take on that ideal of the new identity and begin playing with ideas, you “dream and scheme” about who you are becoming. In this phase, there are no rules and nothing is certain…so everything is possible.

Square 3: The hero’s saga. This is where you get your butterfly wings…and it can feel hard. You are making big moves, lots of trial and error, and figuring out who you are now.

Square 4: The promised land: You are flying…squarely in your new life…making small moves and loving life.

And…then, of course, life and change happen and you enter the cycle all over again.

Understanding this cycle of change has made it a lot easier for me to embrace the changes in my life and be okay with the fifty-fifty of life because the things that suck are meant for us to grow through. 

I hope this can help you too.

With love,

Change is the one constant in life, and navigating change can be much easier with the support of an experienced coach. If you’re ready for change, contemplating change, or in the thick of change, I’m here to help. Let’s talk. 

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