Love Letter #80: I’d Love for YOU to Get a Grip On This!

Perfectionism that is…it’s time we all get a grip on this!

Perfectionism is a function of patriarchy. It is baked into our culture and it’s damn hard to see sometimes. We have been so conditioned to strive for a collective idea of success and love and happiness. These are not one-size it’s all…not even close. We get to get a grip on what they mean to each one of us. The best way to do that is to opt-out. 

Everything we do is a choice and those choices – or actions we take – are directed by how we feel. So, when I say opt out, I mean stop putting ourselves in places, situations, and with people that make us feel less than, small, or otherwise wrong for being ourselves. 

To get a grip on where we are showing up that doesn’t feel nourishing and supportive and make different choices. 

I know…there are lots of reasons we show up in these places and situations

We feel obligated to. We feel responsible for. We don’t want to disappoint or upset others. These are choices we make based on the stories or beliefs we are keeping company with, and often we make these choices out of the perfectionism we’ve been trained in because – “What will people think?” 

The more important question is, “How will you feel?”

There was a time in my life when I would keep exposing myself to the same unsupportive situations thinking I would change it somehow if I could just prove to them that I was good enough, worthy, smart enough…enough. I would come away from these situations feeling like crap each time. 

It wasn’t until I believed I was worthy enough to walk away, to remove myself from whatever it was that I began to realize I had always been enough…I was simply looking for my enoughness in the wrong places. It’s an inside job.

It took me years to get a grip and learn to opt out of what isn’t good for me…that doesn’t mean it isn’t good in it’s own way…just not good for me. Do you see where I am going with this?

Getting a grip on what is best for you, what works for you, what nourishes and supports you isn’t about making anything or anyone else wrong…that’s a waste of energy. This is you focusing your time, attention, and energy on being the highest,  most authentically self-expressed version of you. Period. 

Listen, I’d love for you to get a grip on perfectionism in your life. It can be very subtle in the ways it shows up, and often hard to spot…but it’s as prevalent in our lives as is the air we breathe. 

The best way to begin is by option out. Are you in?

With love,

Get a grip and opt for what you truly desire. Feeling is the Secret: a study and practice in the art of realizing your desires. Register here! XO

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