Love Letter #46: The Urge to Fix Others

I stumbled upon this quote today, and it really made me think.

“The desire to fix another is an active avoidance of the neglected self.”

~ J. Mike Fields

I used to believe I could change people in the past, hoping their change would make me feel better. Reflecting on it now, it’s fascinating.

I’ve come to realize that I was seeking changes in others because I was neglecting my own need for change. I was imposing narrow expectations on them to fit a certain mold I had in mind.

In my coaching work, we refer to this as “The Manual” – a mental rulebook that influences how we perceive others. They should act differently. They shouldn’t behave like that. They make me feel… you fill in the blank.

No one has the power to make me feel a certain way. It’s my interpretation of a situation that elicits feelings. Those feelings are a bodily response to the meaning I give to the situation. 

One way to move through these feelings and discover what’s beneath them is through writing unsent letters. Letters that are meant for your eyes only.

They serve as a self-care ritual that liberates and heals. I’ve written countless healing letters over time and continue to do so today. 

I’ve crafted a resource on “The Healing Power of Self-Care Letters” – feel free to check it out here.

Self-care letters can cover a range of topics. From how you talk to yourself to how you wish to be treated. They can involve forgiving yourself or others for lingering issues. They can explore your aspirations, offer affirmations, delve into self-discovery, and set intentions.

Self-care starts from within. 

It demands a dedication to evolving into your best self and embodying that ideal. Embracing your highest self doesn’t mean avoiding mistakes; in fact, it involves making more mistakes fearlessly. Its in vulnerability that you truly expand into a more authentic version of yourself. I call it living into the fullness of who you are here to be.

While I write you a love letter each day this year, I encourage you to write your own love letters too. Express love and wisdom to yourself through these letters, nurturing qualities like compassion, understanding, and inner peace.

Take a moment with pen and paper, find a quiet space, and begin writing. Or use my guide if you need a gentle nudge to start.

It’s a transformative journey that may surprise you in ways you never imagined.

With love,

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