5 People-Pleasings Lessons That Changed My Life

Do you often doubt yourself, get stuck in indecision or feel overwhelmed by all the things in life? You might be a chronic people pleaser. 

It’s wonderful to do things for others, to help those we love but chronic people-pleasing is draining and debilitating. I’ve been healing my people-pleasing tendencies for years now and I want to share 5 important things I’ve learned that have changed my life…for the better.

  1. People-pleasing is a way of coping, a safety mechanism to protect ourselves from humiliation, rejection, or being wrong. It’s learned early in life and we can unlearn it.
  2. People-pleasing is a form of manipulation. Ouch, right?! Don’t freak out here…we’re not consciously trying to be malicious…but a people-pleaser hides the truth about themselves and how they feel to keep the peace. Never letting people know who you truly are robs them of the opportunity to decide if they want to be in relationship with you…and robs them of knowing how fucking awesome you really are!!! 
  3. People-pleasers have loose or non-existent boundaries. I used to think being ‘easy to get along with’ was a good thing, but it left me resentful and frustrated. Did you know boundaries are for YOU…not the other person. It lets them know what you will and will not accept and what choice YOU will make if the behavior continues. 
  4. It’s okay to disappoint people – in fact it’s natural to do so. You can’t be all things to all people and create the life you want for yourself. Nope. Adults are capable of handling disappointment…I know because I disappointed myself for years by not having clear boundaries.
  5. It’s not only okay but necessary to please yourself. You are here to live this one life, your life…and you can’t do it when you’re trying to please everyone else. This is exhausting and can lead to a life of regrets. When you truly love and honor yourself, speak to yourself kindly you’ll find it easier to love and honor others without feeling responsible for their choices or lives. 

Are you a chronic people-pleaser? Do you work hard to make sure others are comfortable with you so you won’t be rejected. You get stuck in indecision out of fear of making the ‘wrong’ decision – which could lead to rejection, humiliation or shame. 

Imagine for a moment, waking up in the morning knowing that you are the authority of your life. Being clear about what you want and need in your life right now and having it…saying no to what doesn’t support that with ease and grace. Creating the space and time you desire and deserve for you and your dreams. What would that look like for you? How would it feel?

You are the only one who can give you the approval you want – it comes from inside of you and I want to help you rediscover it and reclaim it for yourself. 

One more thing I’ve learned in the practice of approving of myself: You must become “full of yourself” in order to be fully yourself. That requires complete and unapologetic self approval.

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