Love Letter #21: Sometime She Gets Weary

I think in song lyrics…a lot.

Most days, I wake with a song playing in my head. I hear people say something and a song pops into my head. Kinda crazy, right.  

It drove my kids nuts. They’d say something and I’d start singing a song about it. 

I have a song in my head right now. Try a Little Tenderness, by Otis Redding. It’s an oldie and it’s not like I heard it recently. It just popped into my head.

Because…I’m weary. 

Last week, we let our minister go from our spiritual center. It was an emotional meeting. Worse, for me and some of my singing partners, our music director also decided to leave. He and the minister are partners. I’m feeling some loss.

Today was our first Sunday without a minister and it was a beautiful celebration. 

Our music team is now being led by our lead singers and we were amazing this morning. Yes…I’m bragging. It was different, and for me, even more powerful than it had been. There is a sense of freedom I didn’t feel before. 

After service, we had another emotional meeting. Members of the community shared gratitude, hurt, grief, and hope. It was the first time I’d let myself feel all of this. I cried through much of the meeting.

It’s interesting to observe myself holding both grief and joy. An interesting paradox.

But wait…there’s more.

The past two nights, we’ve lost our heat pumps on the boat. These low teen temperatures are more than they’re meant to deal with. This morning we were up at 2am trying to resolve the issue. Brian did his best, and we’re just getting heat back into the boat at 2pm. (We do have a couple of space heaters…but they’re not quite enough). 

I’m tired. Weary. 

The lyrics of that song that keep playing in my head are these: “But when she gets weary…try a little tenderness.”

I know I am not nearly as tender as I could be with myself most of the time. How about you?

Tenderness is often thought of as weak. But truly it means you’re willing to reach deep inside yourself, honor what you feel, and care for yourself. That takes courage. 

So, for the rest of this day…and maybe longer…it’s “try a little tenderness” time here. Maybe a lot of tenderness.

First up is a nap. 

Tonight, it’s supposed to be biting cold again. One of our friends offered us her basement in-law apartment if we need it. I’m saying yes to that. A hot shower in a warm house. Sleeping without worrying about the heat going out. Thank you. 

There was a time I would have felt like I was imposing. I’d tough it out. I’d tell my friend, thanks, but I’m okay. Which would be total bullshit right now. At this moment, I am not okay. And that’s completely okay.

Be kind to yourself. And try a little tenderness.

With love, 

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