I Got Naked For My Friend’s Boyfriend
Forgive the sophomoric title of this blog. I hoped to get your attention and here you are. Thank you. I assure you the reason I got naked is an important one. Let me tell you more.
A few months ago Lori Giuttari, a friend, life coach, and fellow writer and yogi approached me about taking part in a book project she is co-creating with her partner, photographer Marc Maksim. Beyond the Yoga Body (the project) is an anthology composed of the stories of forty women. Each of them, each of us, has experienced the transformative power of yoga in our lives. Each woman, each story, each body uniquely her own. In accepting the invitation I was agreeing to share my story and be photographed. This wouldn’t be your typical smile and say cheese photo shoot. I would be in yoga poses and completely nude. Gulp! My body and I haven’t always been the best of friends nevertheless as I enter my 60th year I’ve come to appreciate her more than ever. “OK, I said. Let’s do it.”
In the days leading up to the photo shoot, I paid a lot of attention to my body; how it looked, how it moved. All kinds of thoughts went through my head. Could I do this without panic or wanting to throw up? What if I couldn’t do it? What if I froze? Is my belly getting softer, protruding a bit more? How will it look before the camera? How will it feel to stand naked before other people? Will my c-section scar show? Will my breast be visible? There are a lot of dimples in my cheeks…and they’re not the smiling kind! All these thoughts about how this might go, how I might feel, and what other people might see and think. I had some reservations, and I’m a very private person, yet this was an opportunity to do something brave and bold; let go of fear, let go of shame, and embrace all of me, unapologetically and as authentically as possible in this moment in time.
I changed out of my dress into a soft robe and entered the studio space. We decided the first pose would be extended side angle. All of me, front and center. With a deep breath, I dropped the robe and we began. Nothing happened. I didn’t die, pass out, or vomit. For an instant I felt like a small unprotected child who would be swallowed up in the expanse of the studio. Then, focused on the poses and why I was there I felt my presence expand filling the space. I was simply the model as all the self-consciousness fell away and I became more comfortable as the minutes passed. I’d shed one more layer of who I thought I should be and took another step closer to who I am becoming; open, vulnerable, and completely free. No one revolted at the sight of my body. Actually, quite the opposite happened. As Marc worked the lights and camera, he and Lori were excited and pleased with how the shoot was going. Marc gave me a peek at the images now and again through the tiny window of the camera and I was astonished. Lori, a yoga instructor, guided me into the poses reminding me to breathe and the time went by so quickly.
On the yoga mat I feel powerful and confident; I am reminded time and again of the strength and flexibility of this body. I slow down and observe, with gratitude, how beautifully this vessel carries me about in this world. Being photographed as a yogi au naturel was empowering in ways I hadn’t imagined possible, until now. Marc stopped to show me a photo of me from the back in a seated twist pose and I was stunned. I saw a woman I didn’t recognize in the muscular lines of her back, the curves of her body, the glow of her hair. I looked again and tears filled my eyes at the grace and beauty of this women and the knowing that we are one. In that moment she and I made peace.
The body is a temple, so the saying goes. We admire the beauty, structure, strength and endurance of brick and mortar or marble temples. I think of the Duomo in Florence, Italy, the Taj Mahal in India, and Notre Dame in Paris. We honor these glorious structures as places of worship where we connect with the divine. We attempt to capture their magnificence in photographs and speak of them in rich, vibrant language. Yet, when it comes to the body temple we are often disparaging about our own and other’s bodies. We hate this and that about ourselves, we judge others shapes and sizes, perhaps in an attempt to make us feel better about our own. And, our culture can be especially harsh toward women’s bodies that don’t meet a narrowly constructed standard of external beauty. Beyond the Yoga Body is a declaration of love, bearing testimony to the magnificence of each individual expression of the body temple and the stories within.
I welcome you to explore this important project further at Beyond the Yoga Body. View the images and read excerpts from these inspirational stories. The publication of this project relies on support from people like you, and me. I hope you will be inspired to participate in this beautiful body of work by making a donation. And please help spread the word by sharing this blog, the website, or both.
Love the body you’re in!
Namaste