A Beautiful Messy Experiment

I am back in Rhode Island this week and will be for the month of September. It’s been an interesting journey so far, but what I most want to share with you is the idea that life is a beautiful messy experiment…all of it. Everything is an experiment and each of us is the researcher of our lives.

When I was in Maine, contemplating what to do for the long weekend, the only thing I wanted was to spend it with Brian. I decided to come home and do just that. Since I had only a week or so to travel before coming home for a bunch of commitments, I decided to stay here for the month. I have that flexibility and a great place to land. I’m deeply grateful for that.

What I am enjoying about this lifestyle is the ability to try things. I spent a couple of weeks in the mountains which is something I’d not really done before. Hiking in some deep woods where there are bears freaked me out a bit. The gorges and vistas were breathtaking, and the couple of days I spent on Sunset Ridge overlooking wildflowers and herds of deer was surreal.

Missing the ocean and the vast horizon, I headed to the coast of Maine and Acadia National Park. That did not disappoint. The moment I saw the ocean I felt my entire person relax, and walking the ocean path in Acadia was divine. The sound of the waves and the salt air is home to me.

Things got messy when I decided to head to Rhode Island. There’s a part of me that wants to judge this decision, to make it wrong to not be on the road wandering and instead be in the comfort of home and family. I still feel this gnawing at me, questioning if I am cut out for a nomadic living, and being critical of my decision to take a break. There’s a part of me that wants to make it wrong that I have no ‘reason’ to be home right now except that I want to be.

I feel so much of this as old patterns of shame. I was so often admonished for not finishing what I started or changing my mind as a kid. I feel embarrassed about changing my mind now. When this happens, I find myself justifying my change of mind, creating ‘reasons’ to be here instead of just letting myself be here because I want to.

I’m just beginning to realize how deeply these patterns have run my life up until now. I think letting so much go in my life, I’ve very few things to distract me from seeing and feeling these old hurts and learning from them. Being me often feels untidy, in flux, and hard to explain and I’m becoming more and more okay with that, stepping into full self-approval.

The more I study shame, the more I believe it’s the final frontier for most of us. The one thing that really keeps us from stepping into the fullness of who we are here to be. The one thing that keeps us from freely expressing boldly, brilliantly, and wildly into the world. I, for one, want to change this for myself and anyone else who is willing to step into the beautiful mess with me. Maybe that’s you?

With love,

Let’s get messy together!! Six Weeks to Self-Approval…personal 1-1 coaching. Schedule a complimentary call to get started.

This is NOT a self-improvement program…in fact, self-improvement is often shame-based and in the way of true self-approval!

What are some symptoms of shame-based self-improvement?

  • Overwhelm and burnout…I don’t do enough
  • Self-doubt and judgment…I am not enough
  • Guilt for wanting more or better in your life…I don’t deserve it
  • Fear of disappointing others or being rejected…I will never be enough

Listen, girlfriend, you are more powerful than you can imagine, and stepping into that power is your birthright. You are here by divine design, right on time and on purpose. It’s time to stop hiding behind cultural prescriptions of who you should be and step as boldly as you choose into the fullness of who you are here to be. That means approving of the whole enchilada…perceived flaws, mistakes, and all! Schedule a call to get started!!

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