I woke this morning realizing I am at the edge of the light, the edge of what I know, the edge of my comfort zone. Life has felt a little muddy for the past few days, some self-doubt creeping in. The comfort zone keeps moving of course as I reach a little beyond the edge, not striving just softly reaching. But today I recognized a pattern in me. When I reach the edge where nothing is clear, I feel the urge to turn around or at the very least just sit there, procrastinating, dawdling, skimming Facebook…for hours, looking for what? Who knows? A bit of guidance, maybe? When I reach the edge, there is a sense that I’ll free fall even though I know every edge is simply a place to learn and grow and it’s OK if I don’t have the all the answers yet. In the early morning hours I could see all the times in my life when I’d reached the edge and turned away leaving dreams untended.

In morning meditation my inner voice, my wild woman says, “go, keep going, everything you dreamed of is just beyond the edge.” And I know she is right. I am divinely guided to the edge and beyond into blessings, into expressing myself, my joy, my love, freely and fully. Sometimes in fear I allow myself to forget that. And I know these are feelings and feelings pass, they are not who or what I am, they are remnants of past disappointments and hurts wanting to protect me. There may also be some anger here…at me. Anger about all the times I turned away from the edge out of fear. It is in these places that I am tender and loving with myself. There are lessons within and there is no use adding insult to injury. I’m sure you’ll agree. I turn inward to something soothing and energy shifting; dabbling in art or coloring, taking a walk in nature, or just sipping tea and snuggling with Gracie. Often, in these moments of self-care, an idea, a little glimpse beyond the edge, an inkling of what to do next arrives.

With each glimpse or idea trust in myself and in life expands – trust that the edge is a doorway to what I desire most. Perhaps the fear is just that I may not know what to do once I am there, beyond the present edge. There will always be another and I’ve crossed the edge before, gone beyond so many times in my life, sometimes by choice sometimes not. I survived. I thrive, grow, evolve, and open to greater possibilities beyond what I could imagine at the time. I know it is safe to move beyond the edge, beyond the light of what I can see today.

I delight in this deepening awareness. I am grateful for the muddy water, the increasing awareness of my resistance to move beyond the edge, and the reminder of the truth of my connection to my inner wise self, the divine intelligence that guides me gently into the unknown with eagerness and a sense of joyful anticipation. In spite of my fears, I lean into joy, lean into love, and lean towards the dreams just beyond the edge.

Namaste